I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
