I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
