dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize