So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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