Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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