so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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