i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
