I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
