Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
