You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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