he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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