just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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