do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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