You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
