I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
