I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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