There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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