are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
