I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
