they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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