Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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