The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
