you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
