i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
