were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
