He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
