You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
