You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
