i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
