Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
