she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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