Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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