apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
