The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
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