So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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