So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
