I faked an abortion last night.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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