It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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