When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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