pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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