so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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