we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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