If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
