My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
