not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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