You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
