I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
