I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize