I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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