wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize