Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
