STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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