If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize