When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
