someone threw a dead crab at me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
