maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
