Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
