Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
