i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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