Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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