So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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