Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
