I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
