Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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