that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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