Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
