508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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