I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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