i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
