Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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