puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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